she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
