do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
