I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
