I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
