I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
