Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
