There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
