one two three fourrrrnication!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
