his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
