Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize