there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
