Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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