swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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