Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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