My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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