break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone owes me an orgasm
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
