Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
