So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
