You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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