How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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