i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
