The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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