Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
