Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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