I must be too annoying 4 u.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
