how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
