please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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