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i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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