just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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