you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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