I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
