I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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