By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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