Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
