let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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