last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
