Sponge bath it is.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Damn victory sex feels great
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
