What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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