On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
