what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
