Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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