I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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