I'm jealous of your bromance
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
