Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
