No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
