Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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