grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
