chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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