I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
