nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
