just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
