I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
