he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
