My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
this will be a night to untag.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
