Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
