Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
