I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
