so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
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nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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