We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
