You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
