You're so nebulous sometimes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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